sleeping with a potential psycho

i'm sleeping with a potential psycho
he lives on an estate in District 9
he is ever so just a little kinky
we drink gin and have a swell time

but there's something awry in the ointment
yes there's something afoot in the eyes
the man can't sit still
its like he's on drill
and my goodness he knows how to imbibe

so i'm thinking of calling this thing off
yes i'm thinking this fling's run its course
i'm loving the sex and the smooth solid pecs
but my captain i think we should pause

Travels with Dogs Various

in Marylebone i made friends with a lurcher
in rooms lined with books we followed each other around

in Parson Green i hung out with a dachshund
permanently cross she is
with cloche hat, coat and boots on

in Shepherds Bush, the terrier resides
she sleeps with you sometimes,
all love and bright eyes

Parker, my heart dog still waits over in Spain
courage Parks, not long now,
we'll cross paws again

Oh Madame!

Oh Madame, I couldn't possibly
But Sir, you simply must
Well, Couldn't we just have coffee
Look Sir, I shall have to insist

But my wife is expecting me later
Oh Sir! Just give her a call -
The trains are running late again
Leave the light on in the hall

But Madame, my pockets are empty
Oh Sir, let's have a quick look
Well, what do you know? A monkey
Mind out, its a tiny bit stuck

Bah! Madame! What on earth are you doing?
Your hands really oughtn't to be there
Oh Sir! Just relax and enjoy it
Come, lets' get you sat in this chair

No! Madame you are trying my patience
Ahhhhh, I really must ask you to stop
Oh Good Lord that feels rather wonderful
Could I book you until one o'clock?

Spieler Dealer

Bald headed twat
He yelled at me in Italian
I don't stand for that
I tried my most reasonable tone

'Occupato' he screeched
Pointing at the chair
'Yes I quite understand,
but there is no-one there'

'Ticket ticket' he cried
'I don't have one, I replied'
Then I committed my greatest error
by smiling at this Holy Terror

'Casa casa casa', with matching points
I understood that but my nose was out of joint
I followed the point and turned upon my heel
His boss is a good friend of mine and he may regret that spiel